Thursday, January 29, 2009

Looking Up

Well, we got a cat. His name is Eoin, which I personally feel is a little pretentious given that we are not Irish, but my husband's ancestry is, and he is studying the history of music in Ireland, so I capitulated. I kind of think that the new-agey back-to-fairies-and-nature types ruined Ireland for the rest of us... but I digress.

Eoin is a three year old black cat, who is very sweet and friendly, independent enough that I don't feel like I'm constantly tripping over him, and disdains his new scratcher. "Why would I use that silly cardboard thing," he asks, "when your living room chair has such lovely, resilient upholstery? And is that CATNIP I see on there? Come now, foolish woman - joke's on you, it has no effect on me. Crack is whack!"

Our poor furniture.

I discovered a great neuroanatomy tutorial page on Washington University's med school page - thank goodness. Because I think that the module author for neuroanatomy here may have gotten into the catnip. The book we were supposed to use is a good text, but the objectives don't really ... go with it well. So I have spent a great deal of time being frustrated and confused, and I don't really deal with either very well. As a result, this is the first post in awhile, as I decided that dwelling on the situation would not do much to improve my mood.

Anyway - the point is, now that I understand what the heck the guy is talking about, I've realized that he wrote a really comprehensive module that simply needs a little more background knowlege to be understood. And neuro is really, really interesting. Go figure. I think that was the worst part - knowing it was going to be such a great topic and then... not understanding a word.

I've also been dealing with some personal stress... I realize that I am a liberated modern woman, etc., and that doing dishes, dinner, laundry, windows, floors, and toilet is not necessarily part of my job description as first year medical student. That said - I'm also newly married, a new home-owner, and would really like our house to feel... like a home. Not an oversized dorm room. So I feel like I'm letting someone down if I don't make dinner, or if I let the dishes pile up or the cookie jar lie empty. I'm not sure exactly whom I'm letting down - most likely, just me. My husband's - well, he theoretically can cook, do laundry, dishes, etc., but I think he forgets that when he does, he's just doing his part, rather than doing me a personal favor by taking over my chores. But he really believes he thinks that these jobs should be shared equally.

Anyway ... a lot of the men in my program are married, and very few of the women - so the wives my age I know are stay at home wives and mothers, who have neat homes, hobbies, enjoy baking, and produce bouncing bundles of joy. And even though I want to be a doctor, and really enjoy what I'm doing, it's hard being constantly bombarded with other people who are doing all the other things I would really like to do. I love to bake - I love babies. But I don't have a wife, and I'm in med school - so unlike the men in med school, who can get married and have those idealistic home lives, I have to use a crock pot and get a cat. Whom I love dearly, but that's not exactly the point.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

New Chair

I finally found a comfy chair that fits up the stairs in our 1955 Cape Cod - not a small accomplishment! It's a light green wing chair, and has kind of chenille-y material. My husband says it looks like an old lady chair, but considering that he married a woman who like rose-scented lotion, cats, and crocheting, I'm not entirely sure what he expected. I think it looks like a perfect place to sit in my very own little study, where I can read for hours about physiology and chemistry and not be disturbed.

I'm spending way too much time looking at cats on even though I know we've agreed that we won't get one till spring. I want a kitty... sigh. Not sure how to do it, because most places want a reference from a vet and I've only ever had pets at my parents' house. Their vet knows me, but don't know if they'd accept a reference from him or not since I wasn't the primary pet-owner.

Guess I'll find out in a few months.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Another Day in the Neighborhood...

Or, more correctly, the Independent Study library. In my gray little cubicle, which I have happily outfitted with all the comforts of home so that I can at least have a few material things to ameliorate the effects of studying all day long.

I have a green blanket, filtered water brought from home (because Columbus water is awful and the medical school seems to filter all of theirs through a limestone deposit - it comes out white from the water fountains. Literally), a Hot Shot (nifty thing - put the water in and it heats and dispenses enough for a really big cup of tea), a beverage warmer, a space heater, and a huge stock of granola bars and easy mac.

Still ... all I want to do is curl up with my green blanket by the space heater and take a nap.

And yes, I did just get here.

Oh, a long day is approaching...

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Why I'm Doing This

This is just a reminder to myself, because it has been a pretty hellish week.

I'm doing this because I can't be a doctor without knowing how these things work.
I'm doing this because I never want to look at my patient, who trusted me, and tell him or her that I screwed up because I didn't bother to learn the boring details.
I'm doing this because I want to help people.

I'm doing this because I'm a masochist.

To all future patients -

You're welcome.